is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
