my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
