You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
