Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
