whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
