Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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