You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize