His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
