remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
