it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Come on in and take your pants off
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