brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
