maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
