Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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