you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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