but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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