Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
