As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
