So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
