I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize