I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
