Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
