I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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