You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
