Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
