Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
this hospital has no fireball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
