i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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