OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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