man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
