He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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