He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
