What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
