we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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