last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
