i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
