I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
