is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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