not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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