Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
