i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
