I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize