wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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