why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
