Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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