Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
