its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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