I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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