1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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