I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
