His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
