what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
