Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
