OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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