I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
