guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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