A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The adults are the big ones right?
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