Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize