i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
