Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
