We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
