I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
