Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
