Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize